Here is an excerpt from an actual conversation:
Me: “Hey, what’s going on?”
Diane: “I’m in a lesbian relationship”
Diane: “Hello, you still there?”
Me: “Uh…yeah…When did this happen?” I then added the obligatory, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
Diane: ** Laughter **
Me: “I thought you were still with that big-head dude.
Diane: “I am, but he’s acting like such a woman lately, I feel like I’m dating a chick.”
Me: ** Laughter **
Diane: “This isn’t funny.”
Me: “Oh, it’s REALLY funny.” ** Laughter ** “What did he do?”
Diane: “He’s walking around with an attitude, giving me the silent treatment. Acting all bitchy.”
Me: “Wow, that’s messed up.”
Diane: “I know. That’s MY move. That’s what I do. We can’t both be the woman in this relationship.”
First, let me point out that it was not me who associated a bad attitude and “acting all bitchy” with being a woman. But hey, I understand.
Having gotten into the conversation, I had to ask the obvious question: “What did you do?”
My friend Diane went on to explain that she didn’t do anything. She had been extremely busy, and when the dust settled, she needed a little time for herself over the course of a weekend.
After very little prodding, my friend finally admitted, “I didn’t feel like being bothered.”
“Wow,” I said. “Do you leave the toilet seat up when you pee, too? You’re not in a lesbian relationship, you’ve become a dude.”
What the heck is going on out hear with these relationships. I get it: women are more independent, making more money, and much more able and willing to take care of themselves these days. And that’s a good thing. But has it really come to this? Are we really living in an upside-down world where men have relinquished their God-given right to be the inattentive, insenitive, jerks we were born to be?
Are you kidding me? This clown had a free weekend and he chose to spend it watching Sex In the City reruns and painting his toenails (or whatever these new-type ninjas do), all the while sniveling over the fact that his girl just needed to do her for a minute. C’mon, Bruh. Get it together!
I understand things have changed. The women are doing their thing in the business world, making great strides, and that’s not going to change. But has this new dynamic has extended beyond the boardroom, and into the bedroom? What about in the kitchen? (I don’t care what anybody says, there’s nothing like a woman in the kitchen.)
Are the fellas out there feeling less than manly about their situations, and they’re letting that affect their relationships? Are women to blame? Have they contributed to the immasculation of their men?
I believe both parties have to make adjustments. For my friend, Diane, it was all in the presentation. As I told her, she should have played it like she was giving HIM a free weekend to watch sports, hang with his boys, or do whatever it was that would have kept him from his little bitchy-fit. I can assure you that if she had she done that, her sensitive-ass boyfriend would have reciprocated with concert or theartre tickets, movie night, or something that SHE would have appreciated the following weekend. But noooo, she had to go all Crazy Eyes on him.
But I would have to put it mostly on the fellas. We have to adjust to this relatively new era of dating independent women. We can’t be mad at them for their success. It should be a win-win situation. The man should either be secure enough in his manhood and/or step up his game so he’s not bringing his insecurities into the relationship.
And here’s the bottom line: Women don’t like ambiguity in a relationship, and they certainly don’t want that same softness in the bedroom. They want a man that ain’t afraid to pull her hair, and spank her from the back, metaphorically, of course. I think…
Of course that dynamic is easy to acheive if the dude is a high-powered mover and shaker. The point that many men miss is that she can be Oprah-esque when it comes to career and finances, and the dude can be some loser right out of a Terri McMillan novel, and she’s still going to want him to be the MAN in the relationship.